The new me, isn't the old me.

I've changed they said.  So I did some research, joined some new groups and, I think they are right.  I didn't want to change, but my life around me changed.  I have to adapt to a new surrounding that is uncomfortable and uneasy.  I live with and a sadness that is my forever reality in this world.  It's been over 2 years now that my Nic went away, and the distance makes the pain deeper.  It's as if I'm digging a hole deeper into the earth and further away from my baby.  "They" don't know my reality.  The parents who live like me "know" my reality and share in my pain.  I didn't want to be like them, I refused.  Yet here I am, with no choice.  I don't have the same choices as they do.  I'm angry and bewildered today, searching for someone that I can no longer see or touch.